Inspirational Flower Uninspirational Sink

In the height of dead week I found a little life, gotta try and find beauty in everyday.

Sign at the X

I don’t know why I do what I do.

Why I push away the only ones who care.

I know he loved me. I knew it the first time we spoke.

and the second

and the third

I ignored it. Thought “not knowing”, meant it untrue

and then the final time.

When I fell too.

we spoke of our souls

the world stopped.

normalcy settled

I had never experienced such intimacy

not of passion but security

our heels ached with breaking points.

weaknesses and heartaches masked,

our demons fantasize of another who could possibly feel such pain

interlocking talons as we stroll down shadow covered consciousnesses.

I knew I should feel fear. distance.

but for the first time the darkness felt safe,

as if for the first time I knew what lie beyond.

and than somewhere between now and then

I rationalized

darkness crept back into the depths

condemned to comfort

I did not allow myself to forget,

grasping to the words of predecessors.

knuckles white

I said I don’t know why I do what I do

but do not be fooled I am not blind to what

Moderation is my enemy,

terrified of losing it all,

investing too much,

I starve.

I’ve felt indulgence,

blinded by emotion.

allowing my heart to be open, and my eyes
closed

blissfully lifting the gates

the perfect heist

trusting, giving, loving

too soon, too much. loving.

none returned

and now what do I have to show

space, voids

I know you were different.

a broken forgotten soul

craving love and the one who would finally accept it.

I know I hurt you

and for that I can’t forgive myself...

I’m sorry, I was not strong enough.

I hope you find who is.

Heavy Breathing

18inx24in inspired by Picasso's "Blue Nude (Woman)"

Obviously no one can own up to Pablo Picasso's insane talent; but I felt compelled to make my own version of "Blue Nude". He could convey so much heavy emotion all with out a facial view, but merely the physical breakdown to replicate an internal despair... I can only hope to own up to something like that.

you are my heart...

Surrender Every Anxious Thought

press play to proceed

Smirk

Smile through the hard times...

This is what we do...

"In life we do things.
Some we wish we had never done.
Some we wish we could reply a million times in our heads.
But they all make us who we are.
And in the end they shape every detail about us.
If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn't be the person we are
So just live.
Make mistakes,
Have wonderful memories.
But never second guess who you are.
Where you've been,
And most importantly,
Where it is you are going."

"This is what we do. This is what people do, they stay alive for each other."

On Tuesdays we wear charcoal...

Tuesdays are for art projects and pizza x...

Flower Child

Finger Painting

trying out paint program but via my new touch screen laptop...the next generation of finger painting 

One in the Same

Living down to earth,
she longs to see the sunrise.

I Breathe Rock

Rolling Stone
"A quivering state of waking nightmare.
There was no turning back.

Live,
Never Hide.

Rock:
Gentle Soul, Hard Living."

Surreal Self

a self portrait of sorts

Heart Calloused. Soul Free.

A heart shaped callous, occupies the darkest depths of my soul.

Shell of a Self

You will continue to struggle until you decide to be satisfied with life. The world is a beautiful place but at times we can manage to drain all color, all happiness out of ourselves til we are left with merely a shriveled up versions of what used to be, what potentially still lives. But nothing is forever, especially pain and sorrow, weakness is a tool to discover the strength to come (unseen and forgotten), and the only way we can find happiness; to be filled with unfiltered color and life, is to pull ourselves up and believe that there is always an alternative to what we see. Believe. Because you are who you want to be.
Not a predetermined void.

Falling Angel

My obsession with eyes and charcoal is very real.

I Am #Human

I live life not sure of which side I am - not to say I need pity just someone to give me a chance

to escape

discovering the real me

the past fuels my future

hopefully for the better - but the only thing I’m sure of 

is I’m unsure

the ones I love were lost to the same demons I face

I go through life keeping quiet as if I have no right - no right to tell them all about how you chose to leave

unjustified

I saw you yesterday - well I guess I woke up from the dream today - it all too real now I’m in the true life and it all feels just surreal

Do I still feel?

Hands on my chest - knowing that I’ve tried my best

it’s been this way from the start --- just got used to falling apart

I will survive

your life will not be lost in vain - my bruises will fade - along with the pain

the day will come - that I no longer feel the need - to hide behind hardened hands stopping me

from letting those around me to even attempt to understand

there’s no room for the weak in this wicked world - but is true strength recognizing at some point ill need to open up and confess - what been weighing my shoulders down

suppressed

I am strong - just at times thoughts all rush in as waves

no amount of gestures - will make them vanish or run away - swimming parallel with the rip tide - praying it all will fade

but even then when I escape do I never look back?

forgetting what brought me to this point in life - knowledge is power - and I’d rather split screen my shadows and light - rather than live the fallacy of unbeatable might

I am weak

I am vulnerable

I am human

I will succeed - I will be nothing like those who broke me

I will love who I become 

because that persons just me

and I’m irreplaceable.

Gone With the Wind

acrylic and watercolor over an old sketch

A Day in the Life: I Prefer the Term Hot Mess

Horrified Beauty.

Found this unfinished portrait...hopefully soon I'll feel up to getting my hands down and dirty to finish it, charcoal style.